My mother likes to take serious matters and wrap them in a blanket of lightheartedness as if to mask them, make them easier to look at. 

She said what if you had a little brother or sister? (two years ago)

“Never. “

The verbal dismisal came easy.

I later discovered that the idea she had me entertain once had a face

 malformed and premature

forcefully but voluntarily taken

discarded on a white sterile floor.

 

 

 

 

i spent time today reading someone else’s life in reverse. it’s really quite interesting and i highly recommend it (but of course i’m against using myself as an example).

yes. so i realized that i’m actually quite embarrassed at times. certain things i do give me the same sickening feeling that’s acutally quite homely, reminiscent of when i used to wear huge party dresses to middle-school.

my birthday falls on spring break this year but i could kind of care less. 17. i’m going to celebrate it with an eight day long excursion of the mind, fueled by experimentation with various substances.

yet, in the recesses of my mind there are still thoughts i can’t rid myself of. am i willing to count the days?