A Collection of Spectacles

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i officially feel the most tired i have ever felt in my life, ever.

after five hours of uncomfortable sleep, i went to staten island for a wedding/wedding reception extravaganza (i stayed awake with the help of a shot of expresso, two coffees, and a red bull thankyouverymuch). bill gave me the complete works of e e cummings after i mentioned him briefly (he said he had owned the book for years). i think it’s the best thing i’ve ever been given.

i spoke to people who hadn’t seen me since i was first born. it was odd. after a while, i probably looked like the most insecure secure person in the world. i had a glass of sangria and the coffee was still working. the mixture had me swaying back and forth when i stood up to talk to people. i felt sexy but i probably looked stupid.

i didn’t get home till about 3 in the morning. on the way back, the road and bridges met with the sky to look like a collage. exhaustion was begining to settle in and, thus, i felt my most vulnerable (i’m always insecure when i’m tired). i sat there, listening to this god awful band (that happens to be my favorite) and came to a splendid realization:

i love you and i know this is so because, regardless of some of the choices you’ve already made, i’ve always had an unspoken unexplanable understanding for why you’ve made them. i know it’s so because i feel connected on a level that superceeds all that can be felt through skin on skin contact and even if we never meet in that sense again i’d still be as happy as i am now. i’ll never apologize for that brief incounter though.

i’m rambling. horrid.

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One Response

  1. Falling in love involves the enhanced secretion of b-Phenylethylamine (PEA, or the “love chemical”) in the first 2 to 4 years of the relationship.

    This natural drug creates an euphoric high and helps obscure the failings and shortcomings of the potential mate. Such oblivion – perceiving only the spouse’s good sides while discarding her bad ones – is a pathology akin to the primitive psychological defense mechanism known as “splitting”. Narcissists – patients suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder – also Idealize romantic or intimate partners. A similar cognitive-emotional impairment is common in many mental health conditions.

    Mm, a bit tired, are you?
    My dear Allie, don’t jump to conclusions so soon
    I do not want to see you hurt 😦
    But please understand that I probably don’t understand,
    I’m just looking out for you

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