A Collection of Spectacles

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i realized that i needed to get this out of my system. i was told that i needed closure and, because it’s not being granted willingly, i’m going to have to create some.
creating my own reality to suit my needs? i’m used to it.
 anyway…
you’re lovely. you really are. but i’ve learned that you’re one of those people who i’d like to lock up in a closet and keep from relationship-type situations. allow me to explain.
you like too many people at the same time. i think it’s because you haven’t figured out the definition of liking someone. there are lots of people you’re going to want to fuck and lots of people you’re going to want to just hang out with for a day and be friends with but a person you like has both plus an indescribable magnetic quality.
i don’t think you honestly like everyone you say you do. i think you’re attracted to the high one gets off of being in love. you’re constantly chasing it.
stop jumping into things so soon.
stop running on auto-pilot off of your emotions if you’re not prepared to deal with the concequences.
stop using sexual acts as a means to release your stress and tension. such things should be saved to unify two people in symbiosis not to fufill the needs of one abandoning the feelings of the other.
stop doing things that you’re going to regret later. try thinking ahead for once. think about the people involved. try caring about someone else for once.
let me take that back. you care about people. i know you do. it’s just that you’re too confused to make decisions so most of the time they come out looking like you don’t give a shit about people, like you’re selfish. if you’re going to live implusively, you need to be honest with people. just…whatever it is, fucking spit it out and face the fact that someone might end up mad at you because living the way you are is comepletely contradictory to “i want to make everyone happy.”
i was treated horribly though. i hope you know that. i hope you take the experience and treat others better. it’s the least i can ask for since you won’t talk to me.
most of all, you need to grow up. really. stop acting like you’re in elementary school and these games are okay because other people are involved. people aren’t just toys. they can’t be treated as such.

with that said, i still feel some pulling obligation to tell you these things. to help. because i understand and a lot of people won’t. they’ll just assume you are selfish by your actions without actually knowing the motives behind them. i feel some odd motherly obligation to protect you. let me stop. this is beginning to sound weird.

closure. now i have emptied my mind. now i can put a period at the end of this post. now i can end things.
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3 Responses

  1. Claire Anne says:

    Yes, yes, and yes!

    If only he could read this. No, If only he could realize this. This is all true about him, from what I’ve known. He is a confused boy, Allie. And confused people will only get you confused. That’s why the world ‘fuse’ is in it. (No that’s actually BS, but it makes sense here.)

    Well, i’m glad I showed you this blog. Here you can just release everything, and no one has to read it (well except me 🙂 hehe.) And this place won’t get angry, sad, it won’t criticize you, or make fun of you. It’s like a perfect, mute, best friend.

    Anyway, 100% closure, I think, would be him realizing or partially realizing this, and apologizing (or whatever he does to apologize.) This for him will be another step to sucking it up and moving on from elementary school.

    We should talk soon, it’s all piling up a little too high!

  2. izzybelle says:

    Closure! Yessssssss! Like Claire said, real closure would be if he had an active part in it, but at the same time, I think that you can do it by yourself. Women leave men all the time and do not look back (and vice versa). True closure is not a necessity in life and should not always be treated as such. You can go on! You have said your bit and you have FELT your bit, and that is very important. His share is up to him, and he should read this to understand not only how you truly feel, but also himself.

    In the parts not about Alex, I hear you babe. Loud and clear. It’s something we all want, to be loved. To not be the lucky one in a relationship, but the one that the other person feels incredibly lucky to be with, we’re just that special. By the way, we are. =]

    I wish I could hug you right now.

    LoveLoveLoveLove

  3. Claire Anne says:

    Isabel!

    and you too, allie.

    On ‘My Account” click on edit profile, and find the box that says “Contact me” And where it say’s website link, put the link to YOUR wordpress page, so your name is clickable and we can get to your page faster.

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