A Collection of Spectacles


i hate that i don’t know what to want right now. i want to follow through with my original wish, dust myself off and try it again, but i don’t know if i want to broaden myself (because to broaden means to keep myself open and goddamnit i don’t think i can do that).

it’s this constant boredom that annoys me most now. that’s all i am now. annoyed. for there is no marking with which to pass the days.

(because there is nothing and no one with importance of that magnitude to waste hours thinking about)

now when i think, i’m back to how it was before. i’m don’t feel much but i know that my mind is working therefore i feel conflicted.

whenever i feel emotion (even if the feeling is horrible) i feel “alive.” that’s something i can’t say all the time.

i want to want but i don’t know if i can. or what to want.

i used to feel so put together but now i know that it was a hoax (sanity held together by a loosely tied ribbon).

i can only do my best and hope that i will never show that, inside, i am bare and minuscule and sensitive like the most fragile of small children.

but i’m not depressed. i consider depression to be a sign of weakness and i am not weak. i consider depression to be something of a luxury.

(i had a reason for why i thought this but it escapes me at the moment)


think about starving children around the world or hookers with abandoned children etc etc. they don’t have time to sit around and think, “wow. i’m fucking sad.” no. they’ve go to keep living. as long as i am alive i refuse to say “my life is bad” or let it get me down

because there’s alway someone out there who has it worse who’s still making due.

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2 Responses

  1. Claire Anne says:

    I see what you mean.
    (Because we talked on the phone 🙂 )

    But… It is true. There are things that are a lot worse out there. Always. I had a post about that actually 😮

    but anyway,
    thanks for listening 🙂

    and you know sometimes boring can be…not good, but if you did not know what boring is, you can’t know what fun or excitement is. Lol, that’s why I think heaven would get boring if I were to be happy for eternity, I mean…if some emotions are considered ‘bad’, you will most likely not be able to feel it in heaven lol.

    Yeah so, we’re human. What now?

  2. Claire Anne says:

    Oh yeah! and I was playing around w/ the dashboard >> options. Like all those mini topic things there, I explored wordpress 😮 and we’re linked. You’re an editor now Or something. But feel free to write if you want, I don’t care, Now I can get to your page easier 😀

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