A Collection of Spectacles

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Hello. I never speak in specifics. 

I’m all too comfortable residing in the comfort of vagueness. It doesn’t just come out when I write. It has permeated my speech, started in one area and spread throughout.

I REALLY WISH I COULD. THAT I DIDN’T. I.

and then i realize that i can’t finish the sentence because it would mean that i’m weak and that there are things that i don’t like about myself.

i tried when my dad and i were sitting in a room together and he looked at me and asked me .

oh yes. backtrack. i started crying because i don’t like when he rants about everything that’s bad in the house in country in the world because i feel like i’m suffocating since there’s nothing i can do about it. i said that i just wanted to get out of the house because everything here makes me upset. i told him that he seems unstable because he dwells on the bad in his situation and takes it to heart. i said i don’t know about you but when i’ve been wronged it’s just better for me to let it go.

he said well when have you been wronged in your life?

i couldn’t say a specific so he said that i had to live like him to understand. i hate when he assumes that i don’t know anything about anything. i really wanted to say remember the time i was brought downstairs and got in trouble and it was late you told me not to do one more thing that caused you stress because you had so much to deal with. you always tell me that you have a lot to deal with but so do i. it’s not enough.

I’m trying to be a better person.

******

Anyway, i was thinking the other day and tallying in my mind the number of sexually offbeat thoughts. i can’t even write them though i want to.

1, 2, 3…4. hahaha.

everything’s actually pretty okay.

i kinda miss someone a lot and that’s odd for me to say.
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it’s weird how.

i’m content now.

because of this.

i might be gone for a while.

(when i think about it, i realize how odd it is that i can’t write well when i’m not angry or frustrated or upset or confused)

nevertheless,

i enjoy the taste of happiness a lot more.

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