A Collection of Spectacles

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Hello. I never speak in specifics. 

I’m all too comfortable residing in the comfort of vagueness. It doesn’t just come out when I write. It has permeated my speech, started in one area and spread throughout.

I REALLY WISH I COULD. THAT I DIDN’T. I.

and then i realize that i can’t finish the sentence because it would mean that i’m weak and that there are things that i don’t like about myself.

i tried when my dad and i were sitting in a room together and he looked at me and asked me .

oh yes. backtrack. i started crying because i don’t like when he rants about everything that’s bad in the house in country in the world because i feel like i’m suffocating since there’s nothing i can do about it. i said that i just wanted to get out of the house because everything here makes me upset. i told him that he seems unstable because he dwells on the bad in his situation and takes it to heart. i said i don’t know about you but when i’ve been wronged it’s just better for me to let it go.

he said well when have you been wronged in your life?

i couldn’t say a specific so he said that i had to live like him to understand. i hate when he assumes that i don’t know anything about anything. i really wanted to say remember the time i was brought downstairs and got in trouble and it was late you told me not to do one more thing that caused you stress because you had so much to deal with. you always tell me that you have a lot to deal with but so do i. it’s not enough.

I’m trying to be a better person.

******

Anyway, i was thinking the other day and tallying in my mind the number of sexually offbeat thoughts. i can’t even write them though i want to.

1, 2, 3…4. hahaha.

everything’s actually pretty okay.

i kinda miss someone a lot and that’s odd for me to say.
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2 Responses

  1. izzybelle says:

    i hear ya there. parents assume that they know everything about themselves, about the world, about life, about you, about me. but we can’t explain things to them because they don’t see us as adults, but as their children. so our experiences are less than theirs in quality.

    i also understand when you can’t write certain things because you feel that it shows that you’re weak, which is a quality you do not like about yourself. yup yup.

    alsoo, i would love to hear your sexually offbeat thoughts lol.

    but baby, who do you miss??

    lovelovelove.

  2. Claire Anne says:

    I wish you could talk to the adults I talk to.
    They.. are so understanding. I talk to them like I talk to you. They learn from me, still.
    I really want to talk with you again. Actually talk, you know?
    And I think I know who you miss. . . hmm.

    I think.. the ability to show off a weakness, to be able to flaunt it is a strong point. Because we all know we all have weaknesses, so why can’t that be subject to showoffness?

    Ah but who am I to say. I hope everything is okay.

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