A Collection of Spectacles

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people aren’t always people to me. in reality, people are complex multi-layered beings with favorable qualities and faults but, for some reason, i can’t always see that. sometimes, a person isn’t viewed as an individual in their own right and instead, exists as a living representation of something important, something that i need in order to move past a past event, or a quality that i admire, a “something” that i need to be around.

the need to keep each individual’s unique brand of something in my life makes me want to tighten my hold on it, but i realize that people can’t be collected and kept like objects. because of this, i worry about sharing too much, because i don’t want to seem needy. i want to appear “in control.” i also worry about not showing enough. i don’t want to appear cold or removed, because i don’t want to lose anyone (and once i’ve bared my more sincere side and shared this with another person, my greatest fear is being abandoned).  

i asked, “if you could live in a world without consequences, what’s the first thing you would do?”

“kill myself.”

“why?”

“no consequences. i could shoot my face off all day.”

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