A Collection of Spectacles


Experiments in Unedited Rants (take three).

I’m posting mainly because I haven’t in a while. I haven’t posted in a while because I don’t feel as though I have much to say. When I’m not in school, I feel lost. I have nothing to talk about because these days, I think about the things I learn the most. I think I’m going to have to leave him because, well I really don’t know. I really don’t have a good reason for leaving, and this is why I think I’m going to leave. Because I’m an idiot and because I can’t stand being happy. Because I’m looking for some perfect archetype who has everything together. Who is everything all at once. Who doesn’t exist. Notice that these lyrics sound more melodramatic when written: We’ll die alone, together. Die alone, together. Before she left, she told me that I should make my decision here in suburbia and take it with me to the city. I’m going to say that I don’t want anything and I especially don’t want to be touched. I want to be left by myself and bury myself in books. Some comedian once talked about how when women are young, men are like tissues that are thrown away. Old age and failed relationships cause them to start reusing tissues. I feel like I should meet more people because I’m young, but I don’t want to end up alone like my grandma or alone like my father.

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One Response

  1. Clairebear says:

    “I want to be left by myself and bury myself in books.”
    For a month last year, maybe from November – December, I felt like this too. That things were just too much to deal with and I’d rather be left alone and be alone. But…
    we can’t stop loving, I think. Don’t let yourself. Because then something will die. Like turning off the heating lamp for a plant in the winter-time. Even if you want to stop caring for it, you need to.

    Then someone (someone.. a word used a lot in my vocabulary) will come along soon and offer to help you care for it. We just have to be patient I think.

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