A Collection of Spectacles

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It feels like I’ve gone from living with my parents to voluntarily living in a situation where I always have to think about how late I’m gonna be out or where I’m going. I love relationships, but I don’t always know why living together is part of one.

I’m pretty demotivated when it comes to school right now. The semester (hopefully my last) is almost over soon and I’m kind of slacking off. I’m laying in bed a lot, caught up in my fantasies and my fears.

I’m anxious all the time and fearful of letting people really know me. I figure if I’ve served all of my worst attributes on a platter and you still want to stick around then you’re either just as insane as me or a really sweet person or a masochist. I’m a little more closed off than usual because I’m more fearful of trusting others at the moment. I need help learning how to be affectionate, because I don’t know when to send an emoji or when to say something sweet. I wish I was better at these things because you honestly give me a sense of hope.

I think about taking a break from smoking so I can get my dreams back for a bit. I’ll get back to actually writing on here and not just ranting soon. It’s getting a little solipsistic, even for a diary.

 

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