A Collection of Spectacles

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Small change:

I retracted my application to Penn State. I was almost done with it, but I realized that I didn’t want to spend money and apply to a school that I’m pretty sure I’m not going to attend. Instead, I added Eugene Lang College, (I keep thinking of the actor, Eugene Levy) which is a really small liberal arts school in Greenwich Village. The school seems a little “new” (it’s actually called the new school for liberal arts) which can be bad as well as good, so I might not go there, but it’s nice to have another option. Other choices include (aka where I’ve applied): Emerson, NYU, Hunter, The City College of New York. If I go to one of the CUNY’s, I’ll apply for the honors program, probably my second year there. I plan on studying either Journalism, Communications, or some sort of social science that I can apply to writing.  

blah blah blahhh. 

The other day, in Philosophy, my teacher made everyone in class write notes to ourselves. Next year, in December, she’s going to mail them out. I kind of didn’t know what to do, because I’m pretty sure that my parents are moving when I go. I guess this blog is my “time capsule” then. 

Thinking about the future is kind of scary.

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update: i have the dye but don’t have bleach so i have to wait until i have enough cash to get it. i haven’t had much cash lately because i’m barely working now. i have an idea but it’s less than well…legal. so i’m not getting into it here. 

i think it’s important to separate needs from wants. actually this is probably one of the easiest things to do (unless you’ve spent a great deal wallowing in doubt and self created fabrications in which case the difference is never apparent).

step one: achieve a state within which you are open and receptive to the world and everything in it. this means admitting things about the past that you are not proud of and highlighting unfavorable aspects of your character that could possibly cause destruction in the long run. 

then want and need become easy to differentiate between (save a few exceptions). separating wants from each other based on importance and the likelihood of occurrence is more difficult but i’ll see what works when i reach that point. right now i’m busy working towards a place i was at months ago but allowed to have taken from me. the point of origin. 

a singular person should never be on someone else’s “need’ list because, in reality, there’s no one that anyone needs but his or herself. 

either i’m beginning to regress and fears are actually manifesting themselves in the form of pseudo self reliance or i’m actually starting to nurture a greater sense of self worth. i can’t tell the difference yet but i’m really hoping that the latter is true.

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