A Collection of Spectacles

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Exercising my right to engage in shameless intellectual masturbation: Following up on the improper use of a colon.

I once told a boy (man? no, a boy. honestly)

I was going to edit it shamelessly. Instead, I’ll twist around naked for a while. Why not?

“Okay, sooo after thinking about it, not all of me buys the ‘nothing means anything’ mentality, because even if that is true, then isn’t every day that much more important? If we, as humans, walk through life without fear of higher consequence then why not do anything and everything possible, for one day we will die, and that will be that?

Oh yeah. And, I feel like I came off too strong. Sorry. I don’t genuinely like many people, so when I do, I tend to verge on inappropriate.

I don’t know the depth of your unhappiness, how far it runs. But, I wish that you felt better. You see, everything is part of one whole. Your birth would be nothing without a correlating death; Happiness and sorrow are two sides of the same face.

Think about life and its infinite vastness. You will meet so many people along the way, and not all will be carbon cutouts of the one(s) who hurt you.

You will not end up nowhere, because I do not think you are what nowhere is made up of.

That’s about it.”

This may be a repeat of some sort. Memory is always a distorted partial-truth anyway.

A man once told me, (and I won’t post the entire thing here. A small sense of privacy is still necessary)

“i agree with that, what i want is someone who wants me, that i actually want back. everyone wants to be wanted, too bad everyone’s too busy wanting to be wanted to want somebody.”

Which is cliché, all lowercase, both of ours together, but beautiful. I figure a rose is still gorgeous, even if its image has been horribly overused.

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so decent things don’t last forever.

i’m sorry for the fact that i spent so long trying to convince myself that i was more attached than i really was. it probably explains my previous confusion. i tried too hard to make myself feel a certain way because it was my obligatory duty (ignoring the fact that such matters, where feelings are concerned, defy obligations or logic). my mistake was that i tried to overanalyze matters of the heart and adapt my feelings to make everyone happy.

now, although i still don’t know exactly what i’m doing, i’m a little more willing to take things as they come.

i refuse to wait for anyone.

every year, new plants spring from frost (a living testament to the fact that life recycles itself) 

what i’ve really wanted may have been right there all along.

more later.

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