A Collection of Spectacles

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Can I type “how to deal with shitty situations” in a search engine?

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Experimenting. This isn’t as seamless as I’d like it to be though.

I drift off to sleep. It’s what I do when I’m bored, or lazy, or depressed. I start class, Intro to Psych, and I am unbearably unhappy. The scene changes quickly. I keep following my friend around and I ask her to hang out. When we finally plan something concrete, I accidentally ditch her. The whole time, I keep thinking about how college is going to change me. How can I do things differently? The radio sings something softly in the background, but it’s neither comforting, nor reassuring. I made a few phone calls the other day. I’m starting sessions with a man named Peter on Thursday at seven o’clock. I’ve found that older women annoy me. I feel a great urge to be as unfeeling as possible around them. Around men, I cry. Does that mean I’m doing something wrong?

I start class, Intro to Psych, and I am unbearably unhappy. The whole time, I keep thinking about how college is going to change me. Does that mean I’m doing something wrong? I made a few phone calls the other day. It’s what I do when I’m bored, or lazy, or depressed. I keep following my friend around and I ask her to hang out. When we finally plan something concrete, I accidentally ditch her.  I’ve found that older women annoy me. The radio sings something softly in the background, but it’s neither comforting, nor reassuring. I drift off to sleep. The scene changes quickly. I’m starting sessions with a man named Peter on Thursday at seven o’clock. Around men, I cry. I feel a great urge to be as unfeeling as possible around them.  How can I do things differently?

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We’re  sitting in the car, driving around at night, the dark, all-encompassing, pitch-black sky surrounds us. 

She says, “So what about you, Allie Mason? What’s the purpose in life?” This takes the question I’ve just asked her and turns it around, making me contemplate it, which I don’t like doing. 

“Hmmm. What do I think is my purpose in life? Or the purpose in life in general?” 

She lets me answer both, making it a two part question. 

It’s a little sappy, but I’d like to help people. I really think that’s why I’m here. Not that I think I’m above anyone else in any respect and therefore more able to help, but I’d like to put whatever favorable qualities I do have to good use. 

As far as the purpose of life in general, I think it’s to experience everything on the vast spectrum of emotion. If you don’t know the depths of sorrow and loneliness, then it’s hard to recognize great joy, let alone appreciate it. Additionally, it’s important to meet as many people as possible, see as many places as you can. 

The point of life (from different points of view). Of course I’m shortening each person’s view quite a bit, which doesn’t really do it justice, but here we go anyway:

“To smoke weed and procreate.” Self explanatory? I think so.

“To love fully.”  That’s love in any sense. Love for an idea, an occupation, anything. 

“To leave your stain on the world.”  In essence, to do something that will be remembered. 

“To achieve one epiphany after another.”  To keep growing and changing as a person. Some people may never reach these heights of self awareness, while others may at a very young age. 

In other news: I’m seriously reconsidering whether I want to make Journalism my profession of choice, for multiple reasons. To me, writing is a release. It’s taking pent up feelings that I can’t express adequately otherwise, and making them open for consumption. It’s something that’s more for me than anyone else. I’d like to help others in a more direct way. Also, I’m beginning to get the feeling that if I try to make it a living, I’ll get so caught up in the hidden politics of it all (like changing my work to suit a publisher/editor) that I’ll end up hating the one thing I’m really passionate about.

Ideally, I’d like to become a psychotherapist. I’ve always found both abnormal psychology and examining people fascinating. It’s really geeky, but a few years back I compiled my own book together out of little clippings and things that I’d found on different mental illnesses. Actually, it’s a little creepy. Forget I mentioned it.

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